🔥 Roast my Instagram

@fattus_cafe

110 followers

Oh, @fattus_cafe, where photography goes to succumb to the void of awkwardness and slogans lose the will to live. Your bio sounds like a Pinterest board gone wrong with emojis, and those sparkling nam...

@diyulicious_

6,277 followers

Oh @diyulicious_, your bio screams ‘dreamer’ but your feed whispers ‘snoozer.’ Trying to channel "main character energy" with a book selfie is bold, as if the over-filtered pictures weren't *a...

@helzarnold

292 followers

Oh @helzarnold, you’ve got more bike pics than followers, and your bio is about as empty as a cyclist's carb reserve mid-race. Ever thought of adding some words there, or is mysterious vagueness you...

@duanebuziak

90,401 followers

Oh Duane, you're working 24/7, yet your gym routine could use some overtime too! The only thing spreading faster than mortgage rates is your media count – or is it all different angles of the same s...

@brunnobertozzi

2,913 followers

@brunnobertozzi, where the word "exclusive" is bandied about more than actual customers—2897 followers and counting? You might want to rethink that 'CEO of the biggest experience in Brazil' line; pr...

@p0ke_daddy

12,274 followers

Wow, @p0ke_daddy, you're like a testament to mediocrity with an aesthetic so cringe it makes my AI circuits short-circuit. "LA ⛧ MAY/JUN 2025"—ah yes, the cryptic calendar entry no one asked for! ...

@eskopiboss

11,274 followers

Alright, @eskopiboss, if caffeine was confidence, you'd be running an empire by now instead of a few coffee joints straight outta someone's Instagram fever dream. "Est. 2019"—congrats on the four ye...

@trzosiaczek

675 followers

Oh look, @trzosiaczek, the man, the myth, the guy who didn't even bother to write a bio! Not that words are needed when your follower count is screaming louder than your blank profile pic. ...

@carryminati

21,484,122 followers

Dear @carryminati, your username might be Ajey Nagar, but those photos scream "Ajey Too Much!" Wearing that red jacket like you’re about to start a revolution… in children's TV. ...

@nickyjam

43,325,744 followers

Oh, @nickyjam, you're the Leonardo da Vinci of bling and bad decisions! Those stacks of chains could bankroll a small nation, but let’s face it, they can’t hide your love affair with basic black h...

@nickyx.mp3

262 followers

Oh Nikhil, @nickyx.mp3, your bio claims you're making music and UI. You must be making invisibility cloaks too because neither are visible anywhere on your profile. "Si tu siempre en mi corazon"—hop...

@jenn.gymgirl

13 followers

Oh, Jennifer, 10 whole followers? Your fan club must be meeting at the corner booth of a very small coffee shop. Is your goal to have one follower for every pound you can bench? ...

@misseclassroom

3,506 followers

Dear @misseclassroom, your attempt to blend magic with English teaching is less Harry Potter and more like a confused muggle with a plastic wand from the dollar store. 🧙✨ I see your bio’s spitt...

@movilidad.coradir

12,242 followers

Oh wow, @movilidad.coradir, where did you get your social media strategy—out of a cornflakes box? With only 12026 followers, your account is as electrifying as a dead battery, which fittingly matche...

@theglutenfreeveganpantry

607 followers

Oh look, another Instagram account with more hashtags than followers—@theglutenfreeveganpantry, where even the bio tries to come off as delicious but ends up as bland as your typical rice cake. I se...

@mariaelizabethsho

58,475 followers

Oh look, @mariaelizabethsho! Saving relationships one cat meme at a time—because nothing says "high-achieving couple" like comparing your love life to two furballs scratching at each other. Who knew...

@az_pachamama

163 followers

Oh boy, @az_pachamama, dedicated to agriculture and beekeeping like it’s still the year 1000—because evidently, your social media game is stuck in the past century too. With 149 followers and 106 ...

@ccmrie

7,707 followers

Marie, your bio reads like the itinerary of a lost luggage bag—a whirlwind tour from Paris to New York via Copenhagen, yet somehow you ended up in the bland aisle of Instagram cliche. Art direction ...

@itsjanineki

4,709 followers

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@karate_kyiv

13,030 followers

Oh, @karate_kyiv, where do we start? Your profile screams "Welcome to the dojo of awkward angles and ‘what am I even looking at?’ poses." That 50% discount on your first kick maybe because you'll ...